Too long

I feel like I have forgotten about this blog. Somehow day to day life took over! And the funniest part about that is that I had created this blog to have an outlet to vent, to sort my thoughts, to network. I totally let my reason become my excuses! Eeeek!

So, let's catch up!
Tonight, after my daughter goes to bed, I will spend some time reading everyone's blogs that I have missed out on.
Hmmmm, let's see.... what have I not shared??

Within the past couple of months, our daughter fell and broke her leg. She is only 2 1/2 and has already needed stitches and a cast! Ugh! I hate to think how many more times we will go through something like this with her, if this was just a preview! My husband, for the first time in 6 years, was able to take time off from work around a holiday. We traveled to Illinois to visit his side of the family for Thanksgiving and his birthday. It was so nice to get out of town and have some time to relax! Very appreciative...

The other day, I was having some "look at yourself in the mirror time". A couple of things occured to me:

1) Maybe I haven't changed THAT much on the outside, as I would like to believe. (disappointing) But I am happy to announce that on Saturday, I am going to start a program for 60 DAYS to a 6 PACK! I am so excited and incredibly nervous about this! One, it is to showcase that even on some of the basic, core products that Advocare has to offer, everyone can get amazing results at home, without a gym. I am nervous because I have a tendency to procrastinate and be inconsistent sometimes. I know if I do my part, then the results will be there, though.

2) I feel like I have changed so much in the past 4-6 months on the inside. But I am one of those people who tends to keep things on the inside and bottle up. So, I have no idea if even my husband can see any changes! I really want him to. And I should share more. Because even the thoughts and feelings that are in my heart are different. Actually, that's exactly it! My heart is different. And that is such a good thing that I feel swollen with pride for myself! But, again, I think I am the only one who sees it and knows it. And I have no idea how to change that circumstance.

3) My final thought. For years I have felt like I was just surviving the day to day blues. I mean, I had stuff that I dreamed about for our future, but the future is so far away! I was happy, but not overflowing. For the first time, ever- I think, I looked at myself and the past couple of months and realized Dang! I am enjoying this ride. I am smiling thinking about it right now. Everybody has pivotal moments in their lives. Some you can see when they are coming, and some you realize afterwards. I look back on some extremely important, shaping moments in my life and now realize just how much of a crossroads I was at, and I can hold my head up high and know I made decisions that were right for me and our family. And I am liking looking at myself in the mirror!

HAH! so, there world, now you have been caught up!

why not?

I am looking for ideas:
1- ways of making new friends. I want some that are not just online friends, but ones that I actually want to hang out with and visa versa.
2- activities to do with my chilc on a regular basis.
3- BABYSITTERS. ones I can trust, rely on, and are fairly flexible in schedules!

Anyway just thought I would put it out there, see what happens...

Bandwagon

I remember being pregnant and wanting to do everything "right". I read as many books as I could handle, did tons of research on products, and I asked as many questions as I could think of to everyone who would listen. I thought I had a great birth plan. And that all went down the toilet when it came time. Then we brought her home, and I eventually got everything down to a crazy art. We had a schedule, we had the sanitizers, I did what I thought was the best that I could for being a first time parent. Actually, I knew we did great for first timers!

But yall, something has swicthed off in my parenting brain. I have energy to do the things that I want to do. I do not want to give her a bath, or have a schedule, or structure anything, good meal set up, (yeah right),NOTHING! I want to do nothing. I feel like I am having post partum depression, without the post partum.

The thing is, I know I should. The logical part of me knows it. My child responds to a schedule, to routine, to structure. If left to herself, she would go crazy. I have known this about my child since day one. I know that I do well with structure and scheduling. In fact, I thrive with schedules. But the emotional side of me has checked out, does not care.

I feel like I am 2 different people, two totally different personalities feuding. HELP!!! I feel like no matter what I do it isnt right anymore. I am sinking. and letting myself do it. and i dont care.

I know I have to get back on the bandwagon of good parenting. Of trying, of being an advocate of my child to myself, of giving her my best. I know it is one step at a time. But isn't the first step of anything always the hardest?

It upsets me that I feel this way. So disconnected and removed. But I am not sure that I am upset enough to go for the change. That worries me. When it really comes down to it, will I get out of my funk? Time will tell.

Reception to Change

Over the past couple of months, I have had to wake up every morning and remind myself to keep my ears and eyes open. You see, I have begun my very own business from home. It is all about health and wellness and great energy. These are things that not only I am trying to make money with, but that I take daily for myself. Most days I am so happy about this lifestyle change that I feel I am oozing joy. And other days I am very distracted.

Direct sales, or from home work, is very tough to carve a path in. I am certainly no exception to that rule. About a week ago, I was sharing my struggles with a friend about how I had kind of stalled in growing my business.

She said "it is a daily choice to keep our ears open. Just learn how to listen, and the flood gates will open." This idea, mentality, and mantra is effective in many ways. Some people follow this idea about their faith, others for friendships/ relationships, and for others in business.

Well, let me tell you. 4 hours after I got off the phone with my friend, my mother called. I had not told her yet about what I was doing. Wouldn't you believe that sure enough, I chose to be the good listener that she needed, adn next thingn I knew the door was open. Not only did I tell her about my business, but that it literally has changed my life. I have never felt so good. Immediately she said "your dad needs that" and then I said "well I have what you need too".
For the rest of the day I could not stop smiling! :)

Everyday, we hear people talk about the changes they are looking for in their lives. But then sometimes when you tell them what you are doing to make changes in yours, people will blow you off! It can be so frustrating to know a way that will help them beyond a shadow of a doubt and to want to help your friends and family with no avail. People fear the unknown, of being different, of stepping out of their comfort zone, and mostly they fear failure.

But what if they just turned down the very thing that could save their life (literally) or pay off $100,000 of credit card debt or a life long friendship? How receptive are we REALLY to change? What do you do daily to step a little further out of the comfort zone and to really make a difference? I know I have to remind myself daily, but man it is so worth the risk! This week, let's all do something to make a positive change in our own lives as well as one or two other peoples. You never know how one little thing could change history forever!

New Kids...?

The other day I was on my Facebook page, and for fun I decided to count how many people were pregnant, significant other of someone who is pregnant, or had a baby under a month ago. The number amazed me! It was a lot!

A week ago, we were out of town visiting my in-laws. My husband is one of four children. His sister lives VERY close by their parents. She, of course, has four kids also. Respectively, kids were 3 years apart and the second group were all 2 years apart. That is a LOT of diapers to change!

Yesterday, I was reading Keri Walsh's blog on people.com. She had "Irish twins" on purpose. 11months apart is very fast and hard on a body! And, of course, the Duggar family is not against having number 20!

Clearly I have babies on my mind. I am so curious to know how people have decided how many kids is enough, done, finished? My husband and I have never really put a number with kids, but lots of people do. How does one make that decision? And how do you know how far apart you want your kids? Are they ready for a new little brother or sister, and how does one gauge that?

Everyone says to wait until you know you are ready, but how often does THAT actually happen? If you sit around waiting for everything to be right, couldn't you miss out on the opportunity? I mean, nothing is every really perfect!

So, tell me world, what do you think and how did you decide?

Traveling

Well, what a week! That is all I can say!
Anyone out there remember "fun family vacations" or road trips? I have a couple. Outside of the whole "mom, brother is in my space", and "I have to go to the bathroom.... right NOW!" comments, we usually had a good time. My mom was creative with games we could play as a family.
Needless to say, last summer when we traveled in the car and as a family, I had high hopes. And, they were immediately killed by a one year old. H, for a short time, was then referred to as "Mommy's dream killer". Just kidding. In all seriousness, it was the worst trip of my life.

Then we began to plan this summer's annual family trip. And, as one would imagine, I was dreading it!

And then, my 2 year old surprised me. WOW! This trip so far has been awesome. Although I may be speaking before I should. You see, we haven't driven home yet! She slept when she should, danced in the car seat when she should, ate and drank and played in the best of ways! We have literally had few to none almost melt downs! And I really do mean "almost" melt downs!

In conclusion, never put it past a child to surprise you in the worst of ways or in the best of ways when you least expect it! Refreshing!

I hope one day, when she is older, she can read this and really appreciate how much I am singing her praises right now too!

But then again, we have not driven home yet! Everyone keep your fingers crossed!

Discipline?

Everyone has an opinion on discipline. But who is right? In the end, I think we all have an inner instinct that we should listen to. Whether it is your children, your animals, babysitting others' kids, or walking into Wal-Mart, there is a line for the acceptable and unacceptable.
How do you know when the line is crossed by someone else? When is it ok to speak up to someone? And furthermore, are you confident that you are right? As a mother of a 2 year old, I struggle with discipline daily, of course. And I have never had anyone say something to me about being in the wrong, so it is not at all like that kind of thought in my head. But I wonder what methods people have tried, have failed at, and have worked? Lets face it, we can list on 5 fingers parents we have seen or know that try and fail at discipline. And then there are the parents that are admired for how "together" they are. I have truly lost sleep over what they are doing... So let's have some share time, a show-and-tell for parenting if you will. Failures, Methods, and Successes are welcome here!

Playgroups?

Today, well not really- I lie. Retry...
Lately, I have been thinking about all the friends I have that have children. Almost all of them are of different ages and stages in their young lives. But, isn't part of socialization- espcially for SAHM's- including our children in different experiences and kids of different stages??

Online, there a millions, literally, of mom-friendly websites and groups to join. It doesn't matter if you choose to stay at home with your kids or choose to be a working mom, it makes no difference how old you are currently or at what age you became a mom, it also does not matter where on this earth you live. I have joined a few of these groups and sites. Most of which are extremely helpful and fun to explore. As a mom, I can always go to one of those groups and post a question out there and know that I am getting a response relatively quickly from another mom who has at one point in time had the same questions. These sites are also great for ideas of things to do with your kids. In the summer, one imagines days filled with outside play time. However, I live in Texas, and play time doesn't happen until 8 pm usually, or in quick bursts that last about a half hour after already using a half bottle of sun screen! It is nice to see what other parents are doing to fill the days and provide a stimualting environment for kids learning.

I am still frustrated! I have lots of "friends" online, and a lot of them live in the same area-ish of town. But why do I feel like I never see them and that my daughter has to re-meet those children every time we get together? Online groups all have a tab on their page for making playgroups and mommy groups. I cannot think of one that has actually happened though.

My question to you, world wide web, is this:

Dallas/ Fort Worth area moms should be able to set aside time relatively often for their kids to play and then moms can chat, right? Say, maybe once a month? And we should be able to do it for cheap or even the magical word- FREE, right? And it shouldn't matter how old your child is, or how old mommy is for that matter, I would beg the question, IS ONCE A MONTH OR TWO, TOO HARD TO ORGANIZE AND MAKE HAPPEN?

Comments to this are necessary, world. I really truly want to know. I am more than happy to be the organizer of the group. My new, current goal is to find places, ways, ideas to make this happen. I will let you know WWW! Until next time,

Still a "Scattered Mommy"

Today, I was online reading. Of course!
One of my friends had posted about how hard it was to have lost a baby, but that instead of continuing to hurt, she prayed. She prayed for her friends and others that might be moved by her story. Turns out, that it may not have been their time to have been blessed in that manor, but every single friend she prayed for has had great blessings since. Some of those friend are expecting ehir own bundles of joy!
Lessons learned from my sweet friend:
1) It is never good to hold onto hurt and pain
2) Time to totally pay it forward. We never know who or what needs our thoughts and prayers at any given time!
3) Blessings come in multitudes of form. Never be so narrow minded that we miss the blessings right in front of our own eyes.
4) It truly is time to surround my own life with a supportive atmosphere and postivity! Time to stop living in a way that constantly leads to bad moods, temper flairs, and such negativity. Time to end the day with a smile on my face because I look forward to my life!

I am so thankful that I saw that sad but encouraging note from a friend!

By the way: she has her own new bundle of joy on the way... He works in mysterious ways y'all!

Did I just become "that" mom?

My mistake for taking a 2 year old into a grocery store not strapped into a buggy! Whoops! She did ok, until we got to the check out line, and from there craziness insued. To top it off, when I finally cuaght up to her, I got punched in the eye. With witnesses talking about it- loudly! Before I realized what was going on, I smacked her back. I mean straight out of auto-reaction! Not even a blink in between. BOOM! And then I realize I just smacked my kid, in public, in front of other people as witnesses, and no matter what ... she still won that round. I feel like such a screw up of a parent, everyone saw it, if I am that flustered with one, thank God I dont have 2. It makes me stop, again, and remember how things happen for a reason. If we listen well enough, God shows us signs quite clearly. Today's example includes, just when I think I might have caught a little baby fever, I get punched in the eye- and LITERALLY **poof* baby fever is gone. Clearly, we are so not ready for another baby.

At the end of that show down, I still haven't bought my milk!

My very first post!

Today has been a long day. I wasn't really all that busy physically. However, my mind has been a million places- hence the name "Scattered Mommy". All week or even maybe longer it is like my mind will not stop- hence, the blog. Even if nobody else reads this, which is probably my reality, at least I will have turned my thoughts into words on paper. Who knows, one day I may even share this with my husband and child. We shall see. But, first I will put my literary right foot in front of my literary left, and publish my first blog. Today's issues will be presented in list form- along with my thoughts and comments.

Here we go:

1. So here is my new decision. I am going to take a step back and re-examine my own self in the mirror. Instead of being jealous of the wonderful things that other people have or have going on in their lives, I am going to try to be more grateful for the things that I do have and that bring a smile to my face, be more content with my current standing, and try and let go of the mentality of always looking for the next big thing.

2. Current frustration- not living as active of a lifestyle with my daughter as I want. At the end of the day, I look back and go "aww we should have gone here, or done this" or "tomorrow, I want to make sure to do this". Then, tomorrow rolls around and I find it hard to get out of bed and actually get up and get going. I am sick of being in the not-good-but-not-bad parenting routine. Especially since I am starting to find FREE things to do around town that are age appropriate!

So, goal for tomorrow: Get out of bed and stop wasting time! Live the life I want to live. Set the good example. Do not wait for other people to come to me, instead I will go to them!

Talk to you tomorrow world wide web!
Until then, Still Scattered