I am looking for ideas:
1- ways of making new friends. I want some that are not just online friends, but ones that I actually want to hang out with and visa versa.
2- activities to do with my chilc on a regular basis.
3- BABYSITTERS. ones I can trust, rely on, and are fairly flexible in schedules!
Anyway just thought I would put it out there, see what happens...
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Bandwagon
I remember being pregnant and wanting to do everything "right". I read as many books as I could handle, did tons of research on products, and I asked as many questions as I could think of to everyone who would listen. I thought I had a great birth plan. And that all went down the toilet when it came time. Then we brought her home, and I eventually got everything down to a crazy art. We had a schedule, we had the sanitizers, I did what I thought was the best that I could for being a first time parent. Actually, I knew we did great for first timers!
But yall, something has swicthed off in my parenting brain. I have energy to do the things that I want to do. I do not want to give her a bath, or have a schedule, or structure anything, good meal set up, (yeah right),NOTHING! I want to do nothing. I feel like I am having post partum depression, without the post partum.
The thing is, I know I should. The logical part of me knows it. My child responds to a schedule, to routine, to structure. If left to herself, she would go crazy. I have known this about my child since day one. I know that I do well with structure and scheduling. In fact, I thrive with schedules. But the emotional side of me has checked out, does not care.
I feel like I am 2 different people, two totally different personalities feuding. HELP!!! I feel like no matter what I do it isnt right anymore. I am sinking. and letting myself do it. and i dont care.
I know I have to get back on the bandwagon of good parenting. Of trying, of being an advocate of my child to myself, of giving her my best. I know it is one step at a time. But isn't the first step of anything always the hardest?
It upsets me that I feel this way. So disconnected and removed. But I am not sure that I am upset enough to go for the change. That worries me. When it really comes down to it, will I get out of my funk? Time will tell.
But yall, something has swicthed off in my parenting brain. I have energy to do the things that I want to do. I do not want to give her a bath, or have a schedule, or structure anything, good meal set up, (yeah right),NOTHING! I want to do nothing. I feel like I am having post partum depression, without the post partum.
The thing is, I know I should. The logical part of me knows it. My child responds to a schedule, to routine, to structure. If left to herself, she would go crazy. I have known this about my child since day one. I know that I do well with structure and scheduling. In fact, I thrive with schedules. But the emotional side of me has checked out, does not care.
I feel like I am 2 different people, two totally different personalities feuding. HELP!!! I feel like no matter what I do it isnt right anymore. I am sinking. and letting myself do it. and i dont care.
I know I have to get back on the bandwagon of good parenting. Of trying, of being an advocate of my child to myself, of giving her my best. I know it is one step at a time. But isn't the first step of anything always the hardest?
It upsets me that I feel this way. So disconnected and removed. But I am not sure that I am upset enough to go for the change. That worries me. When it really comes down to it, will I get out of my funk? Time will tell.
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